Stories that Matter

Uncategorized

A Little Humour For Your Friday!

If you’re not aware, Bermuda is a British Colony. I do possess a British passport. And a very dry sense of humour, (yes, that is the proper British spelling). In light of the recent US elections and the fact that Bermuda will go to the polls on December 17th, I think we could all use…
Read More

Blog Swap with Katie Ganshert!

Today we’re doing something a little different! My friend and super amazing author Katie Ganshert, is here to talk to you, and I’m over on her blog! Cool,huh? Why are we doing this? Good question! Well, as you know, I’m an adoptee and I love talking about adoption. Katie and her husband Ryan are in…
Read More

Crazy Times!

Well, I have to apologize – due to technical difficulties and traveling non-stop for the last few weeks – I’ve been lax in my blogging, and have not managed to post my Featured Friday Author. But then I figured, since last Friday was my birthday,(not sure what that has to do with anything),  and I…
Read More

Excited to be featured on my friend and best-selling author (if you haven’t read Into The Free, do it!!) Julie Cantrell’s blog today, on my birthday!
Read More

A New Plan And A Purpose

You’ll notice I’ve given my blog a new name. This Is A Blog About Books…And Life. For years, I never talked about the fact that I was adopted. I was born in the ’60’s, and yep, that’s my mom holding me outside the hospital on the day my parents took me home. Back then things…
Read More

Meet Author Ava Pennington!

Who are you? So many answers to such a simple question! I’m a wife, daughter, and sister. I’m an author, Bible teacher, and speaker. I’m a transplanted girl from New York City who now calls sunny Florida her home. I’m a graduate of St. John’s University with an MBA and a graduate of Moody Bible…
Read More

Launching My New Website!

They say you’ve got to have a good website – it’s part of your platform as a writer. SO I have been waiting for Hidden in the Heart to come out, and my wonderful website guru, Jason Walker at Website Ministries, has been hard at work behind the scenes, improving and adding to my existing…
Read More

Meet Author Sarah Sundin!

Who Are You? I’m just your average author/pharmacist/soccer mom. All right, so that’s pretty strange. I was raised in southern California in a home full of readers and always had my nose in a book. Although I flirted with idea of becoming a writer, I also wanted to be a ballerina and a protozoologist. When…
Read More

Meet Author Mary Ellis!

Librarians—Authors’ Best Friends Often writers are curious to learn which marketing and publicity ideas work for other writers and which do not. I, too, am curious about the very same thing. We blog and interview on various blog-sites; we e-mail newsletters to established fans and snail-mail publicity postcards to announce upcoming books; we FaceBook and…
Read More

Guest Author, Peggy Blann Phifer!

How many writers, if any, have ever had a work in progress (WIP) for, oh, twenty years? When I go through my file drawer and see all the partial drafts, critiques, contest entries and subsequent losses . . . makes me wonder why I persisted. The easy answer is I’m stubborn. Tenacious. Hate to quit. …
Read More

When the World Stopped

March 30, 2020 | 0 Comments

It took a couple hours to get through the cobwebs to find this page. It’s been a little over a year since I wrote my last blog post. I figured it was a waste of time, and I had better things to do. Better things to spend my time on. Time was precious.And now there…

read more...

And So We Plant

October 2, 2017 | 4 Comments

It’s been a hard season. A scary few months. We began May with much joy, still celebrating the birth of our first granddaughter, Annabel Rose, born at the end of April. And she is everything we and her parents prayed for. She is beautiful. Perfect. All amazing baby cuddles and snuggles and sleepy smiles and…

read more...

It's ACFW Conference Time!

September 15, 2017 | 6 Comments

I know, it’s been an age. And honestly, I’m not sure you’ll hear much from me around here anymore. I haven’t quite ‘hit’ the formulae that keeps people hooked. So this is more of a fun post that my friend Laurie Tomlinson has going, so I thought I’d join in the fun. It’s almost time…

read more...

And So We Choose This Thing

June 21, 2017 | 6 Comments

Thirty one years. Today. I stood before him in a long white gown that cost more than my father wanted to spend, but he bought it for me anyway, because it was the one and he was ‘the one’ and my Dad would have bought me the moon if I said I wanted it. I stood…

read more...

Is It Supposed To Hurt This Much?

June 8, 2017 | 7 Comments

That was a text I got from my daughter a few hours into labour. “Is it supposed to hurt this much?” I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. Because, yes. It is. And it does. And it will continue to. With every challenge that comes with being a parent. Being a mother or father or…

read more...

We're Waiting For You!

April 25, 2017 | 4 Comments

Dear Baby E, You’re late. I suspect this may be a good indication that we will get along well. (I think this trait may come from both sides!). As your grandmother, I reserve the right to tell you what’s up, and rest assured I probably will, whether you like it or not. Heads up –…

read more...

Onward to 2017!

December 27, 2016 | 1 Comment

I hope your Christmas was fabulous! We spent a quiet day together, and then, in a shocking break from tradition, we went to a restaurant for Christmas dinner! It was lovely not having to spend the day chopping, peeling and cooking, constantly checking the clock to make sure everything was running on time. I’ll admit,…

read more...

Where Is Your Identity?

August 29, 2016 | 17 Comments

I’ve just returned from a few days in Nashville, where I attended the American Christian Fiction Writers annual conference. I was trying to figure out dates in my head and I think this must be at least the eighth conference I’ve attended, and still, I’ll be honest, it’s the best of times and it’s the…

read more...

Grace Awards 2015 Winners ~ in Faith Based Fiction

May 31, 2016 | 0 Comments

So honored to be a recipient of this year’s Grace Awards! And since I’m knee deep in edits this week, it gives me something to celebrate! And blog about. 😛

read more...

Guarding The Writer’s Heart

May 9, 2016 | 0 Comments

Source: Guarding The Writer’s Heart

read more...

A Little Humour For Your Friday!

If you’re not aware, Bermuda is a British Colony. I do possess a British passport. And a very dry sense of humour, (yes, that is the proper British spelling). In light of the recent US elections and the fact that Bermuda will go to the polls on December 17th, I think we could all use a laugh. I thought this was pretty funny. You may or may not find it amusing depending on from what side of the pond you hail.


A Message From The Queen

 

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. (A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed). 

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

 

 

 

Posted in