Stories that Matter

The Miracle of “Less Than” by Sonia Meeter

It hit me while I was at the Orange County Fair several years ago: I have never seen a baby being born. As I watched the sow drop her piglets, I realized that was the first time I had seen a mammal give birth. Sadness and regret welled up within me. Unlike this mama pig, I have not experienced the miracle of birth. I was not present when my two daughters were born. Another typical “joy of motherhood” experience that was lost to me.

I am an adoptive mother. Adoption was never a “We Can’t Conceive” Plan B. In both cases, the Lord called my husband and me to abandon our Biological Children Plan and choose his Adoption Plan, aka Plan A.

Oh sure, I have two biological children, but they live in heaven. God is raising my children while I’m raising His. At first, I didn’t have such a lofty perspective of this calling. I’m ashamed to admit how recently this season ended.

Our society tends to think of adoption as the “next best thing” to having biological children. If you’re having fertility issues, well, you can always adopt. People assume that’s why my husband and I adopted. For years, I wanted to announce, “I sacrificed having biological children to adopt these girls!”

For me, this was the ultimate sacrifice.

I love my girls as if I birthed them. Unfortunately, that love is not always reciprocated. Many adoptees suffer an incredible wound because they were abandoned by their birth moms. That abandonment leaves a permanent hole in their hearts – and, no matter how much I love my two daughters, it’s like pouring water into a bucket with a puncture in the bottom. I feel as if there will always be a wall obstructing our mother-daughter bond.

I asked God why He placed me in a mothering role that was “less than” the role of a biological mom.

And in all of His love and patience with me, He responded to my question with one of His own.

“Why would you think this is a ‘less than’ role? I have placed you in a ‘more than’ position.”

What?

And then He reminded me of all the miracles.

I get to see God work miracles in both me and my daughters on a regular – sometimes daily – basis.

God has developed patience, self-control, peace, joy, discernment and understanding within me – in spite of tough, unwanted circumstances. Miracle. I could do none of this without God’s direct involvement, so we’re tight. We talk often. In the “pray without ceasing” fashion.

I appreciate the smallest, everyday occurrence that most “normal” moms would take for granted.

  • By the time my oldest daughter Kaitlyn, was 5½ weeks old, I was her third “mom.” I was preceded by her birth mom and her foster mom. At such a young age, she’d already learned mothers abandon their babies. She didn’t want anything to do with me. At age 10, after about a year of counseling, she demonstrated in play therapy that she finally identified me as her protector. I felt as if I just finished a marathon. Miracle.
    • We got our youngest daughter, Meghan, when she was 9 months old. She had not been held when fed. As a result, she would jerk all about whenever I tried to hold her and give her a bottle. It took three months, but she finally drank the entire bottle, without protest, while I held her. Miracle.

 

  • Meghan first fell asleep on my lap when she was 1½ years old, nine months after she joined our family. Miracle.
  • Kaitlyn walked through the front door a few nights ago and gave me a big, long hug. Miracle. Said, “I love you.” Miracle. Then kissed me on the cheek. Enormous miracle that took my breath away!

I’ve seen a lot of miracles in my 12 ½ years as an adoptive mom and I’ve come to treasure all the “more than” moments. I also realized that I’m not the one to fill the holes in my daughters’ hearts. As their mom, I’m called to help them rely on God to be the Healer of their hearts.

What “Joy of Motherhood” experiences do you feel you’ve missed? What mom miracles do you take for granted?

Sonia Meeter has been an adoptive mom for 12½ years. She and her husband, Kevin, live in Colorado with their two daughters, an international student they’re hosting for the second school year, and their ginormous Great Dane, Jake. Sonia is also a Business & Life Coaching Consultant for financial advisors. 

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6 Comments

  1. Beth K. Vogt on November 28, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Sonia, I’ve counted the days to this blog post, knowing how your honesty would encourage others. Adoptive mom or not, we all need to embrace the “less than” moments in our lives and open our eyes to the miracles we often overlook.

    • Sonia Meeter on November 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

      Oh dearest Beth, thank you so much for your encouragement. Had it not been for you (and God) this blog post would have never happened. Everyone needs to have a best friend who is in cahoots with the Lord in orchestrating God’s plan for their lives. You have been a committed instrument of God in helping me see His plan and purpose in my life and you have been a devoted friend in helping me see that there has been progress and there is hope.

  2. Cathy West on November 28, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Sonia, thanks for your beautiful, heartfelt post today!

    • Sonia Meeter on November 28, 2012 at 10:54 am

      Thank you so much Cathy for hosting this forum and for allowing me the opportunity to share.

  3. colleenshinephillips on November 28, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I was also encouraged by your post, Sonia. I was reminded of miracles and those I probably didn’t see at the time. I am an adoptive Mom. April came into our lives when she was 2 weeks old, and she is now 28. At this point, she has walked away from the Lord and, in a very real sense, from me. She knows I love her, and says she loves me, too, but her actions say something different. And I am sure mine have in the past, also. May God forgive us both for this, and do a miracle by drawing her back to Him. Thank you for your openness.

    • Sonia Meeter on November 28, 2012 at 11:22 am

      Colleen, I am so grateful that you were encouraged. That was my hope and prayer. I am so sorry to hear about your current heart break. I know that I could be in the same place you are in 15 years from now too. I was struck by a quote that I read about a year ago. “God did not call me to be Successful. He called me to be Faithful.” The truth of the matter is that God is in control of the outcome. Not me. Not you. Also, “Success” is probably different than what you would think. I am in the middle if reading Sherrie Eldrige’s book “20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed.” I love that it speaks to adoptive parents on the entire continuum. You are still on your adoption journey. You still have the opportunity to share that intimacy with your daughter that you currently lack. This book gives you the tools to move in that direction.

      Lord, I pray that Colleen would be filled with hope. I pray that you continue to work in the lives of Colleen and April. I pray that they grow in their intimacy with You and with each other. Please use their current heart break as the catalyst to draw them closer. Lord, work in their lives to help them see Your unique purpose you have for each one of them. In Your Precious Holy Name.

      Colleen, God has already forgiven you. Now go get your Miracle!

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