Stories that Matter
Navigating Choppy Waters
I don’t know about you, but this past week has been tough. And as I write this post on a Sunday evening, I’m not quite sure how to anticipate the week to come. What to look forward to. What to hope for.
I’ve been quiet on the blog lately when it comes to the days for personal posts. I’m not really sure why, but mostly I guess it’s because I don’t have much to say.
I know, I know. I’m a writer. I always have something to say.
But do I have something to say that people want to listen to?
That’s the difference.
This struck home with me this past week, on Facebook of all places.
If you know me, you know chances are good that if you ever need to reach me, get on Facebook and leave me a message. Am I one of those Facebook addicts? Probably. But I enjoy it. I like feeling connected to friends halfway around the world. I like chatting with my kids and hearing what they’re up to. I like keeping up with my writing communities, my agent, all my writer buds that keep me afloat when my arms and legs get tired from treading water so long. For me, it’s a great way to share our lives. But it has its frustrations.
A few days ago I dropped my laptop. Really dropped it. Hard. And it died.
Of course if I were one of those incredibly smart people who back up everything the minute they finish writing, this wouldn’t be so bad. But, life being as it is the past few months, I’ve gotten a little lax in this department. Serves me right. Suffice to say that if the hard drive can’t be recovered, I’ve probably lost about a hundred pages of a new story I was working on. Sucks to be me, right?
I take things like this pretty hard. And I like having an outlet like Facebook where I can express my pain and find sympathy. And yes, being as how the vast majority of my Facebook friends are all writers, I got a LOT of sympathy. And then there was that one little comment, something about how people die of cancer and if this was the worst thing in my life then I was very fortunate, that just got under my skin, jabbed and twisted. And shredded what was left of my sanity.
I’m a kind person. I’m compassionate. I care about other people and I’m certainly not stupid enough to think my problems are so much worse than anyone else’s, but really? I just thought, huh. Okay. Maybe that person was having a bad day. But so was I and I didn’t need to feel belittled on my own freaking Facebook page for crying out loud!!
But then I thought, well, you get what you ask for. Every time I post a status update, send out a tweet, write a blog post or send an email, I put myself out there. I subject myself to the scrutiny of others. And if I can’t handle it then I should disconnect my internet connection. Right?
Is this what living in the world of social media has reduced us to? Do we have the right to jab and poke and leave snide comments on other peoples walls? Are we justified in our belittling, complaining and criticizing, simply because we can? Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.
The funny thing is, as I write this, I very much feel like the pot calling the kettle black. I am guilty for using Facebook as a place to vent my frustrations. That’s what I’m doing right now on this blog. But I’m also interacting. I’m hoping perhaps to connect with somebody else out there who has felt the same way I did last week. I’m inviting discussion, in the hopes that together we can agree on how best to navigate these choppy waters that sometimes turn into stormy seas.
I want to be held accountable.
“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
So what do you think? Did I have a right to be upset over that comment or should I have just brushed it aside?
Have you been burned by social media? What’s too far for you?
What lessons have you learned from your experiences?
I can’t wait to talk about it.
You had a right to be upset about the comment. I remember talking to my mentor ages ago and “whining” about what had happened in my life. Then I stopped myself and said something similar to what that person said. My mentor very wisely said to me, “Yes, but your pain is your pain. What you feel is real and valid for you. Is it the worst thing that can happen to you? No, but for now it is real and it is yours.”
Thanks Deb! I appreciate your thoughts!
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Eph. 4:29
The trick is knowing others well enough to know their needs. The cancer comment would have reminded me that my neighbor just lost her husband to pancreatic cancer. That this week is the 19th anniversary of my dad’s death to kidney cancer. That losing pages of a manuscript hurts right now, but not nearly as much as some other pains I’ve experienced in this life, and God carried me through those, so He will certainly carry me through this. The cancer comment would have helped realign my perspective. So I think all that your facebook friend is guilty of is not knowing you as well as s/he thought s/he did. But I don’t know. My words may not bring you comfort either. š
Cathy, I can definitely both empathize and sympathize. These days, as writers (whether published or in the pre-stage) we’re all pushed to heavily interact with as many as possible social media opportunities, regardless if it takes away from much needed writing time. A true irony, I believe. Plus, regardless if the bottom line is that we’re always exposing ourselves. It’s to the silly point that I’m even embarrassed to say that because of this push, I just joined FB a few weeks ago, years behind the time! Do I really have to bring this embarrassment to my grave?
And, then there’s the other problem in life: having problems. No matter whether they’re viewed socially as big or small, they still are upsetting us. Still are bonafide problems that we need to figure out how to doggy-paddle in. But, there seems to always be that one person who must remind us that our problems are insignificant if we have a roof over our heads and are basically in good health. Yes, I’m thankful to God for that roof and health, but I still have ouches and they still hurt.
It’s true. Sometimes I do find it hard to just ‘be me’ without worrying about what people will think. But sometimes I just need to vent! It’s a delicate balance that is for sure!! š
Cathy, it won’t be any consolation to you, but I lost an ENTIRE manuscript one time – like 85K words because I didn’t save one word of it, nor did I print a hard copy of it. I mourned that loss about as much as if someone had died, but I did get over it and learned an important lesson from it. By the way, that was about 8 or 9 years ago – before I knew much about the importance of saving. Shoot, it may have been in a time when I didn’t even know HOW to save!
On another note, I too have gotten less than kind remarks to some of my posts, maybe even heartless, so I’ve gotten very good at BLOCKING people. I don’t like reading negative things or listening to negative people, so if someone says something I don’t like on my Facebook page I delete his/her remark, and if I’m really feeling evil (hehe) I’ll go right to their page and hit the block/unfriend button. Lately, I’ve been deriving quite a lot of pleasure from that little activity. Hahahaha.
I do think the social media opens up opportunities for people to express themselves in ways they wouldn’t ordinarily do to one’s face. That said, I still love Facebook and, like you, I enjoy the social interaction it allows when I need a break from writing (like NOW, for instance).
I’m so sorry about the loss of your 100 pages, but because you are such a great writer, you will learn from this experience, pull up your boot straps, and start over. And the first 100 pages of your “restart” will probably be better than the original!
Many blessings and warm hugs…